Today in Drunken Crook News

First, let's go with the famous drunk, Randy Travis, alleged country music singer, with witty commentary included:
[Randy Travis, do you know how to get arrested or what: The country singer, nabbed on suspicion of misdemeanor DWI and more Tuesday night in North Texas, allegedly had elements of nudity, nicotine and more than one 911 call woven into his evening....

Before Travis' arrest Tuesday night, a convenience store clerk had dialed 911 to report a naked man -- a regular customer who regularly wore clothes, according to the Dallas-Forth Worth NBC affiliate -- who'd come in seeking cigarettes, then left in frustration when queried about how he would pay for them. {Becaue who wears clothes when going to convenience store? Convenience, right? Why wear pants?}

Cut to another 911 call to the Grayson County sheriff's office a little after 11 p.m. CDT, describing a man lying by the side of a road. Troopers who responded found a Pontiac Trans Am that had been driven off the road and into some construction barricades, as well as 53-year-old Travis, the registered owner of the car, naked, bruised and smelling of alcohol. {Naked, bruised, and reeking of alcohol describes me after last 2 dates and large swathes of life.}

The alleged threats to "shoot and kill the officers working the case" came after the DWI arrest, while the singer was being transported, the sheriff's office said in a statement. Additionally, Travis refused to take a blood-alcohol breath test, so blood was drawn later at the hospital {Always threaten officers who arrest you. That way, charges upgrade to felony.}....

This is the country star's second odd, alcohol-related arrest this year. In February, he was arrested on a public-intoxication charge after being found allegedly slurring his words and smelling of booze, parked at a Baptist church with an open bottle of wine in the front seat of his Pontiac. {What do you call it when 2 adults who've grown up together meet in public and pretend not to know each other? 2 Baptists in a liquor store.}]
http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2012-08-08/news/la-et-mg-randy-travis-dwi-arrest-dui_1_dwi-arrest-randy-travis-public-intoxication-charge


Next, let's review story of elderly gentleman arrested on riding lawnmower. Think him sober? Not a chance in a brewery with free beer:
[CITRA – James David Gray said he has "a bad drinking problem." {Don't drink and ride a lawnmower; problem solved.}

James David Gray

The 68-year-old Citra man — who was arrested Tuesday and charged with driving a lawn mower while intoxicated — said he has been drinking since he was 16, can't control his habit and needs help....

During the last two years, Gray said, he had not taken a sip of alcohol. Before that, he said, he used to drink a 12-pack a day.  {12 pack a day keeps the psychiatrist away.}

But on his way home from cutting grass Tuesday, Gray said he stopped at a convenience store and purchased an 18-pack of Natural Ice because he was hot and depressed. Gray said he was depressed because the $459 a month from his disability check and the $300 a month he earns from cutting grass is not enough. {Grok that, my disabled brother}

It was a bad decision.

Marion County sheriff's Deputy Rick Palmateer was doing a security check in the Lakes and Meadows subdivision in Citra when he noticed Gray riding the red lawn mower south in the northbound lane of Northeast 30th Court....

The deputy said Gray's breath had a strong smell of alcohol and there was a cold beer open in a cup holder on the lawn mower.

Gray said that when the deputy stopped him he had only four beers left. He had ridden about 2½ miles from the store, Gray said. He had another half mile to go to his residence, where he lives with his sister. {Pretty good beer mileage, rounded off to 7 beers a mile}]

Not that I make fun of these people as my lessers, but mock them as myself for they have yet to learn to drink at home. the carpet might attack me when passing out but that only leaves rug burns, lint in the mouth, and carries no possibility of incarceration.

Luckily have survived my wilder days.  Hypothetically, if you drive on 4 lane divided highway tripping balls on acid and see 3 lanes on your side, use the middle lane.



Plus have finally learned 6 beers fill me up and make me like life whereas can chug cheap vodka like water for days. latter not good for physical or mental health.

Turn on, Tune in, Invent I Pad

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2011/10/05/notes100511.DTL

[Days before Apple founder Steve Jobs died, the New York Times ran an op-ed proclaiming that "You Love Your iPhone. Literally." Our infatuation with our iPhones is not mere addiction, but genuine love, the piece asserted, because brain scans proved it. There's no doubt that Jobs' computers were the first of their kind to engender such widespread and ardent passion. So why did 45 neuroscientists write an angry letter to the Times disputing the science behind the contention?

The paradoxes of love have perhaps never been clearer than in our relationships with Apple products — the warm, fleshy desire we feel for such cold, hard, glassy objects. But Jobs knew how to inspire material lust. He knew that consumers want something that not only sparkles and awes, but also feels accessible, easy to use, an object with which we want to merge and to feel one and the same.

Not coincidentally, that's how people describe the experience of taking psychedelic drugs. It feels profoundly artificial yet deeply real, both high-tech and earthy-crunchy, human and mystically divine — in a word, transcendent. Jobs had this experience. He said that taking LSD was one of the two or three most important things he'd ever done. "He said there were things about him that people who had not tried psychedelics — even people who knew him well, including his wife — could never understand," John Markoff reported for the Times.

As attested by the nearly spiritual devotion so many consumers have to Jobs' creations, the former Apple chief (and indeed many other top technology pioneers) appeared to have found enduring inspiration in LSD. Research shows that the psychedelic experience is, in fact, long lasting: a new study published last week found that people who took magic mushrooms (psilocybin) had long-term personality changes, becoming more open, more curious, more intellectually engaged and more creative. These personality shifts persisted more than a year after taking the drugs.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turn_on,_tune_in,_drop_out