Stupid Crook News: Man takes drugs to police

Avoiding the main rule of buying drugs--only buy from someone you know will sell you the real deal--a Florida man had doubts about whether he'd purchased real methamphetamine so he took the stash to police.

Bad move.

The police confirmed the Hawthorne, FL did indeed have meth and promptly arrested him for possession.  Helpfully, the Putnam County sheriff's office also volunteered to test any drugs for authenticity.

Holders, however, will find themselves subject to arrest.

The police posted the following note for others seeking police assistance in such matters: “If you believe you were sold bad drugs, we are offering a free service to test them for you. “Remember, our detectives are always ready to assist anyone who believes they were misled in their illegal drug purchase.”  https://jonathanturley.org/2018/06/15/florida-man-takes-drugs-to-police-station-to-confirm-authenticity-police-confirm-and-then-arrest-him/

Stupid Crook News: If you drink and drive, don't crash into POlice car!

Yes, that sentence above warranted an exclamation point, methinks, because crashing into police car when drunk has to make you 1 of the stupider crooks who has ever lived.
http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/police-man-arrested-dui-charges-after-crashing-bac/nnzpP/

Stupid Crook News: Assault with your chicken and biscuits?

Just when my brain 'bout breaks under weight of daily blues screamed at me by nightly news, something ironically catches my eye, showing some folks even more messed up than me.  Sure, i have anger and abandonment issues but paralysis and getting set adrift by family does cause that.  So this story about a drunk red neck chick provided bit of amusement.

Wonder if chicken and biscuits came from KFC or Hardee's?

[Authorities said Kristin Howard, 31, was arrested Friday.

The Flagler County Sheriff's Office was called to a mobile home park in Bunnell around 11:30 p.m. Deputies said Howard's mother, Kimberly Miller, accused her of coming home intoxicated and angry, and then making a plate of chicken and biscuits.

Authorities said Miller and Howard argued over who owned the food and Howard punched her mother in the face and threw tea on her.

Court records show this is Howard's sixth battery arrest since February 2008.] emphasis added 'cause i've had no arrests over same time period.
http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/woman-arrested-after-fight-over-chicken-and-biscui/nmjQF/

Stupid Crook News: "Famous" Jameis Winston

Hate to write about this, stupid, ignorant, impulsive, ill spoken kid, but just finally must.

Normally support athletes caught in the glare of the media spotlight 24 hours news machine and put under a microscope and glare none of us could survive.

Nevertheless, when a person accused of rape--helped out by a bungled investigation and lost cell phone video of the encounter, which the State University of Florida still has to investigate under Title 9 of of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which proscribes sexual violence on college campuses.  You may pull one over on a jock sniffing, bumbling, hick town police department, but you don't screw with the feds--jumps on a table in the freakin' student union and yells [freak] her right in the [slang word for female vagina starting with a "p" and ending "y,"] you should get arrested for sheer stupidity, if nothing else.

Screw him.  "Famous" Jameis my ass.  What a [slang word for male penis starting with "pr" and ending with a "k."]

Stupid Crook News: the WORST screwdriver cocktail ever made

Hand sanitizer and orange juice, brother, that ought to kill you quicker than cheap vodka.  Lee, if you read this somehow, email me at empireofdirt77@gmail.com and I'll send you a $10 check for cheap vodka.  

Hell, I'm incarcerated in a "nursing" home and can't drink now anyhows.  Someone might as well have a drink on me.

[ALTOONA, Pa. —
Authorities say a man stole 12 bottles of hand sanitizer from a central Pennsylvania hospital so he could mix it with orange juice and drink it for the alcohol it contained.

The Altoona Mirror reports (http://bit.ly/1eKrU94 ) 51-year-old Lee Ammerman has been mailed a summons requiring him to surrender Feb. 5 on charges of theft and receiving stolen property.

Police say an employee at UPMC Altoona hospital saw Ammerman steal a bottle of sanitizer in October by hiding it in an arm sling he was wearing. They say Ammerman returned to steal more sanitizer twice in December.

Police say they confronted Ammerman, who acknowledged stealing the sanitizer, saying, "I mix the liquid with orange juice."]
http://www.wftv.com/news/ap/top-news/police-pa-man-stole-sanitizer-to-make-cocktails/ncjF2/

Stupid Crook News: Remember Woof Means No

[Last Friday, Palm Bay police arrested 22-year-old Joshua Lee Werbicki at a Papa John’s restaurant on Minton Road where he worked, accusing him of repeatedly having sex with the dog, according to police documents. The dog is described as a “family pet” and police say Werbicki lives at the same home where the crime occurred.

Brevard County Animal Services Sgt. Michael Healy said the dog belonged to the man’s roommate, and remains in her custody. Healy said the police notified his agency, and they’re waiting for the police to finish their work on the case. Healy said his agency could potentially seek an injunction to have the pizza guy banned from owning, or living with, any type of animals in Brevard County.

Police documents show the owner of the dog told police the pet has been limping noticeably, signs of physical injury caused by the activity. Police say the dog has been showing signs of fear when approached by family members.

Police say the sexual acts were recorded by in-home surveillance cameras.]

http://www.floridatoday.com/article/20140103/NEWS01/140103008/Police-Man-had-sex-family-dog?sf21292022=1

Hapless miscreant criminal

Thought over night on whether to post this guy's pic.  Almost did not want to pile on the dude, 'cause lack of all company can 'bout drive a man insane..  Nevertheless, from what I've read most serial killers start by abusing animals'

So since this scmuck might be a sssserial killer in training, thought to also post his pic.

As for his particular crime: how in the hell could he do that?  If I had, I'd never feeel able to look that dog in the face again.

Seriously, I've been with some pigs before, but doggie rape just sick.

Stupid Crook News

Ought not to pile on or judge these people, but their exploits make my miserable life--stuck in hospital over Christmas--more tolerable.  Plus, I find 'em funny.

When visiting and not miving to Florida, remember that alligators, as endangered species, have more legal protections than you do.  The law forbids screwing 'round with gators in any way but knd of countenances you getting shot down fer nuthin.

Also, gators will eat you so stay the frank away, even if you have a powerful thirst.
[A man looking to trade a live, four-foot long alligator for a 12-pack of beer at a Miami convenience store was cited for the illegal possession and attempted sale of the creature, NBC News reports.

Fernando Caignet Aguilera came across the gator at a nearby park, where he trapped it, according to Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) spokesman Jorge Pino. Although there are no specific laws that apply to Aguilera’s case, it’s illegal to harass, touch or feed alligators in the state.] http://www.salon.com/2013/12/17/florida_man_caught_on_video_trying_to_pay_for_beer_with_a_live_alligator/

Next, don't drink and drive; you might spill your drink.  Especially don't drink and drive, sell drugs, crash into a local fire house, and flee.  Just don't do it.
[OVIEDO, Fla. —

Police are looking for the driver who crashed into an Oviedo fire station.

Oveido police said they spotted a suspicious SUV behind a shopping center on Alafaya Trail early Tuesday morning.

But the driver took off as soon as the officers approached, authorities said.

A few minutes later, they found out that same SUV crashed into a fire station on Central Avenue.

Oviedo Fire Chief Lars White said, "I would suspect they've got some serious injuries. Damage to our fire engine will have it out of service temporarily. Our rescue vehicle is OK...."

Police said they found cocaine and pills in the car, and think the driver may have been dealing drugs out of the car.]

Stupid Crook News

If you curse at a judge during a bond hearing, the price goes up.



http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/Woman-Curses-at-Miami-Dade-Judge-Over-Bond-Amount-234130911.html

Stupid Crook News: Attempted murder edition

Mostly, my modesty would prevent me from writing about a "lady" who put poison in her lady parts in an  attempt  to kill her husband.

Words fail me.

[A Brazilian woman has been accused of trying to kill her husband by putting poison in her vagina and asking him to have oral sex with her.

The intended victim — identified only as a 43-year-old man from Sao de Jose Rio Preto – knew something was going on when he noticed an unfamiliar odor coming from his wife’s freshly poisoned nether region.

But here’s the thing about vaginas, as this woman soon learned: They are very porous.

Realizing that his wife was probably absorbing a majority of the poison she had intended to kill him with, he brought her to the hospital and saved her life.

This guy! He is totally down to perform oral sex 24/7 and will generously rush you to the emergency room after you try to kill him. And they say chivalry is dead!]  chivalry lives
http://www.salon.com/2013/01/30/death_by_cunnilingus/

Stupid Crook News: Bad Parenting Edition

Thank God my folks never drowned me like an unwanted cat as acted out a mite bit as a kid and more so as teenager.  Did't wreck the car but had to get it towed after almost driving into ditch.

[SANFORD, Fla. —
A family trip to the theme parks ended with a mother being arrested after police said she left her children at a 7-Eleven in Sanford and told them to sleep in the woods.

The Seminole County Sheriff's Office said 32-year-old Tiffany Buffkin was heading back to her home in Jacksonville on Monday with her boyfriend and two children when investigators said an argument happened.

According to authorities, the boyfriend dropped Buffkin and her kids off at the 7-Eleven on State Road 46 and left.

"The female then indicated to the 13-year-old that the argument was his fault and his punishment was to sleep in the woods for the night," said Kim Cannaday of the Seminole County Sheriff's Office.

According to deputies, one of the kids was in the back sleeping while the other child was in the front of the store trying to call friends or relatives, someone to come pick him up.

The teen eventually made contact with deputies, who spent 30 minutes talking to him and his brother, trying to find where his mother had gone.

That's when deputies said the mother stumbled down the walkway and began to get angry and violent.

Deputies said Buffkin was belligerent and uncooperative, saying she even tried to bite a deputy.]
- See more at: http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/deputies-mom-left-kids-sanford-7-eleven-told-them-/nWZ6g/#sthash.CttrzzPu.dpuf

Stupid Crook News: lessons in bad parenting version

[HERNANDO COUNTY, Fla. —
A 10-year-old boy was found wandering around naked and drunk in a Hernando County neighborhood, just north of Tampa, deputies said.

A neighbor said she discovered the boy wandering naked on Friday.

Investigators said the boy's caregiver, Nedra Byrd, was drunk, too, and passed out in her home.

When deputies arrived, they said they found a half-empty bottle of brandy sitting on the counter.

The boy was taken to the hospital.]

http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/drunken-10-year-old-found-wandering-naked/nWRm4/

Stupid Crook News

One Mr. Grady Bishop drove down the main drag of Orlando, Orange Avenue,, hitting three cars and allegedly drunk.  Even worse a crime came in his fashion statement for the evening; extremely short, Short, SHORTS!, and tshirt cut off to reveal an ample and hairy belly.

I wish burning my retinas out staring at the sun would remove the sight of him so clad on my teevee evening news, but blindness cannot erase that horror.  Despite our oft idyllic winter weather, one should at least still wear a coat or cover up somewhat.

Sheesh, the humanity.

[By Ashley Davis, Wed, February 13, 2013
A Florida man clad in extremely short white shorts and a belly shirt with the word “Jamaica” written on it was arrested Wednesday after he drove drunk in Orlando.

Grady Bishop crashed into three cars when he drove drunk down Orange Avenue. Soon, his car broke down, and that’s when police swooped in.

Bishop damaged the cars but no one was in the vehicles at the time. He also crashed into several street lights in front of City Hall.

He was given a field sobriety test on South Orange Avenue, which he failed. Authorities said Bishop, 51, had a blood-alcohol level over twice the legal limit.]
http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/florida-man-grady-bishop-drives-around-tiny-white-shorts-and-belly-shirt-gets-dui-0

Stupid Crook News

Dear criminals of the future, please don't flip a judge off at your sentencing; our jails have gotten crowded..

[MIAMI —
A Miami woman was jailed on contempt charges after flipping off a judge during a drug possession hearing.

A Miami television station reported 18-year-old Penelope Soto laughed Monday when Circuit Judge Jorge Rodriguez-Chomat asked how much her jewelry was worth as he inquired about her financial assets.

The judge told Soto "we're not in a club, be serious about it." Soto said she was being serious.

He set Soto's bond at $5,000 and said, "bye-bye." Soto laughed again and replied, "Adios." He summoned her back to the podium and reset bond at $10,000.

Soto asked, "Are you serious?" The judge replied, "I am serious. Adios."

Soto flipped him off and blurted an expletive as she walked away.

The judge then called Soto back.

Judge: "Did you say (expletive) me?"

Soto: "Actually..."

Judge: "Did you say that?"

Soto: "Yes sir, I did."

Judge: "Oh, you did say that? I find you in direct criminal contempt. Thirty days in the county jail."

The judge asked Soto whether she was on drugs, to which she replied, "no."

The Associated Press contributed to this report.]

http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/miami-woman-jailed-after-flipping-judge/nWGDR/

And I Thought My Marriage Ended Badly

Golly, at least, I never got beaten, tasered, and dragged behind a moving vehicle.  Compared to that, sleeping with a butcher knife under my pillow in case my wife's ex con boyfriend made it 30 miles from Apopka during hurricane Charlie ranks as small stuff.

[VOLUSIA COUNTY, Fla. —
The 911 call was released in the case of a Volusia County man who was dragged behind a truck and nearly beaten to death by his ex-wife and two others, deputies said.

Investigators said they believe the attack was sparked by the victim's jealous ex-wife.

The man had been staying at hisex-wife's house to watch her animals while she was away.

But he reportedly had a woman over and that caused a jealous rage, according to a report.

Deputies said Jeanette Morris, 61, and her brother, Harold Anderson, 63, along with their friend, Joan Hobart, 46, tried to kill Morris' ex-husband, Robert Hall, 54.

Investigators said Hall was shocked with a stun gun, beaten and dragged behind a pickup truck before he escaped to neighbor Tyler Shelvin's home.]
http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/911-call-released-man-tied-dragged-behind-ex-wifes/nTrsH/

Stupid Crook News

Maybe consumption of marijuana does cause stupidity, at least for one pot grower who called police to report a robbery at his house, which house he used to grow marijuana.

Which house he actually gave permission for police to enter.  Golly, you might as well just turn yourself in at the jail if you have that much stupid in you.

[Shaune Lawrence, 54, called deputies Monday to report a robbery at his Fleming Court home in Palm Coast.

Lawrence told deputies his home had been invaded by two men trying to rob him.

After receiving consent from Lawrence to enter the home to search for the two men, deputies found a grow operation in a spare bedroom and bathroom, they said.

During the search, 110 marijuana plants were recovered, authorities said. The plants had a street value of $44,000.

Both rooms contained an elaborate grow setup with lights and chemicals used for cultivating marijuana, deputies said.]
http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/police-palm-coast-man-calls-deputies-his-marijuana/nTjcN/

Stupid Crook News

Like my great aunt Helen used to say, some people will steal anything that ain't nailed down.  But golly, don't think i'd have the patience to steal a driveway brick by brick.

[MARION COUNTY, Fla. —
Deputies in Marion County said they've arrested a man for stealing a driveway.

Brick pavers were stolen from a home in Reddick on Thursday.

Neighbors saw men taking the bricks, but thought they had been hired by the homeowner.

Later, a neighbor called deputies after seeing someone come back to take another load of pavers.

Anthony Jones faces charges, but only for the second theft.]
http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/deputies-man-caught-stealing-brick-driveway/nTXPj/

Stupid Crook News: Moonshine, drugs, and bombs, oh my!

Why do I publish stories on poor, pitiful humans ensnared in the criminal legal system?  Why, as a generally nice and unmean person, di I smirk and chortle at misadventures of these unfortunate souls?

Because for the most of what i post, they brought it upon themselves.

like the guy recently in east Orlando busted with bales of weed at house he rented.  The cops asked him if they could search.  He, either brain dead or on the worst stupid drug in the world--yes, Virginia, the drugs and alcohol we humans ingest do have the near toxic effect of making us stupid.  No one malefactor can fight off a dozen cops--invited the police in to search.

let me repeat this for dramatic and humourous effect; the stupid head LET THE POLICE in to search.  That comes from stupid drug or progeny of sibling marriages.

So this unfortunate pair not even that stupid or as accomplished a pair of criminals as others have read about.  Why ridicule them/

Because if i were a father, i would hope and pray to have my children, especially a son, would do more with their lies than i'd done with mine, done more to make the world better place rather than just graduating to greater included offenses on the criminal penalties schedule, white collar fraud, at least then if you steal enough while working at a major bank the government will let you off like Angelo Mozillo, the yet to become disgraced ex head of fraudulent lender Countrywide mortgages.

[SEMINOLE COUNTY, Fla. —
Police said a father and son were arrested Friday after investigators found drugs, moonshine and bomb-making materials in their Oviedo home.

Police raided the Oviedo home of father and son Robert and Matthew McKissic early Friday morning.

Investigators went to the seemingly ordinary home with a search warrant after they got a tip from a neighbor. When they got there, they made a bizarre discovery. They found cocaine and drug paraphernalia used to make crack cocaine, a pipe bomb, other bomb-making materials and even a still used to make the moonshine and 10 gallons of moonshine.]  emphasis addded because 10 GALLONS of moonshine, my goddess, you gonna have a partty for a brigade of Marines?
http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/father-son-arrested-after-police-find-drugs-moonsh/nSWTs/

Stupid Crooks

For Webster's sake, please spell your graffiti correctly.

[YORK, Pa. —
Police are searching for a spelling-challenged vandal who hit a central Pennsylvania woman's car with paint over the weekend.

York police say a woman reported Saturday morning that her sport-utility vehicle had been sprayed with white paint. On the driver's side doors an unknown perpetrator had scrawled "bicth."]
http://www.wftv.com/news/ap/top-news/police-vandal-with-spelling-problem-hits-pa-car/nSCzZ/

Stupid Crook News: Going out on a limb for a felony

[Her defense doesn't have a leg to stand on.

A Hooters waitress from Pensacola, Florida, faces multiple charges after allegedly beating her ex-boyfriend with his own prosthetic limb.]
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/13/jadian-faye-marie-hatfield-brandon-fleming-prosthetic-leg_n_1881372.html

[A Florida woman is accused of beating up her boyfriend with his own prosthetic leg.

A report at WEAR-ABC 3 said Brandon Fleming was at home when former girlfriend Jadian Hatfield visited to take their 2-year-old son. She was accompanied by two men.

When Fleming started to call police, he heard his son scream, according to the report. He attempted to get his son into the car and was attacked by the men, he said. Hatfield then grabbed his fake leg and began beating him with it, the report said, before pulling out a shotgun.....]
http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/09/13/3000735/woman-charged-with-beating-ex.html#moreb

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/09/13/3000735/woman-charged-with-beating-ex.html#moreb#storylink=cpy

What world is this when you face arrest for Joker hair at movies

[BREVARD COUNTY, Fla. —

A man who was arrested Wednesday after he walked into a Melbourne movie theater dressed as the infamous Batman villain the Joker is being held in the jail's mental health ward.

Theater-goers reported a man with pink hair wearing Joker-like makeup at the Premiere Theater on West Hibiscus Boulevard.

Police arrested Christopher Sides, 21, of Cocoa, on an unrelated warrant in which he failed to appear in court on a drug charge. In court on Thursday, a judge refused to increase Sides’ $5,500 bond after learning he was in a mental facility in Port St. Lucie at the time....

While in court, Sides said he wasn't dressing up, claiming he dyes his hair a different color every day.

“I was dressed in my everyday clothes,” Sides said. “I dye my hair different colors on a normally (sic) daily basis.”

Sides claimed he had no knowledge of the massacre in which James Holmes is suspected of killing 12 people in an Aurora, Colo., movie theater during a screening of "The Dark Knight Rises" in July.]
http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/judge-wont-raise-bond-joker-following-movie-theate/nR45q/