Now in the winter of our NBA discontent and idyllic Orlando weather, let us not blame the wrong people for the possible trade of Mr. Dwight Howard's basketball contract.
Let us blame the right people: the referees.
For if absolute power corrupts absolutely, these Satan sired spawns of the Devil, insane with their perception of their own power, have proven themselves destined for the penultimate circle of the Inferno along with illiterate editors wielding red pens like Vorpal swords, sports columnists and commentators, baseball umpires, and bloggers--all boils on body politic and commonweal.
So in this Christmas season of giving, let us hope they all get what they deserve, with nought but coal stuffed stockings and...
All Orlando Magic fans saw the unrelenting evil crusade of the referees last year, starting with their unprecedented delay of game calls on Mr. Howard during his free throws, calling technical fouls on our guy for merely saying, "Oh, man," and adding to their perfidy, calling several "T"s later rescinded by league officials with some shred of decency left in their hardened hearts.
In the playoffs last year, we saw "Zsa Zsa" Pachulia give performances worthy of all 3 Gabor sisters combined, with him flopping like flounders to get techs plus committing acts of violence worthy of Leatherface, the referees all but bringing a chainsaw for him to carve up Dwight.
It got so bad previously lethargic in that series Jason Richardson had to step up, confront an assailant of Howard, and then serve an unwarranted 1 game suspension.
As seen on Christmas night, the carnage continues with people pounding on Dwight, Perkins even taking a swing, and no ejections, at least from what Sports Center showed.
So let us not blame:
-Dwight Howard,who came to us in Orlando as an 18 year old boy who signed 1 contract extension and now wishes to ply his trade elsewhere under his constitutionally protected rights.
=Nor Otis Smith for trading Courtney Lee for the corrupted corpse of Vince Carter's career.
=Or the DeVos billionaire family who pick pocketed Orange County hotel taxes to build their basketball palace but also have paid out among the highest surcharge totals to the league for 1 of the highest payrolls in the Association.
-Or blame the aforementioned J. Richardson who in the series against the Hawks couldn't find the offensive paint with a compass, map, and GPS.
-Or the woeful three point shooting, so bad one wondered it they could have shot the ball in the ocean while standing knee deep in the surf.
-We won't even blame bandwagon carousel fans, arriving as late as start of second half, especially those with courtside seats who ought to get there at shoot around and harangue the refs, asking if anyone will ever get called for fouling Mr. Howard.
=Nor even give Stan Van more than bit of grief for failing for years to construct any semblance of an offense other than dump it into the post to Dwight and have the rest chuck up 3 pointers like poor folk spending grocery money on lotto tickets, knowing it ain't gonna work but praying to get lucky anyway. {Stan, set some screens underneath for D 12 so he can get to his spot without carrying Perkins on his back!)
No, let us blame the refs: miserable, miscreant, misbegotten demons in striped shirts like Steve Javie, tax cheat, as they all cashed in first class tickets and pocketed the difference without claiming it as income on tax returns. Javie just got off because his jury hated the Internal Revenue Service more than referees.
Long time Magic fans have seen this before; if Mr. O' Neal got in Magic pin stripes the calls he later did in Laker purple, we might have had a couple trophies in O'town already.
With twin blessings of birth in Milwaukee in 1958 and Magic fan since conception, 2 All Star centers have left my teams.
1 left with a championship ring.
So we must think and speak clearly; since the Emancipation proclamation ended slavery in the United States, the owners can no more trade Dwight Howard than they can strip him of other constitutional rights.
They can trade his basketball contract, but the man himself remains free to walk away if he wishes.
If we trade the contract to Minnesota for a bag of balls, he can retire and leave. After his contract expires, he has freedom to play where he wishes.
Right thinking Magic fans will wish him well and cheer for whomever mans the paint for us: Mark Acres, Greg Kite, Rony Seikally, Shawn Kemp, and any other "bums" that come along.
So let us place blame squarely where it lies: on the referees and Der Sternfuhrer (David Stern) for allowing this mockery, this wretched tragedy of officiating to continue.
And Dwight, you got to admit, we in Orlando have better weather than Toronto and Denver, if you like warmth and oxygen to breathe.
Plus, we have no state nor city income taxes for you to pay. Not too shabby if you think about it.
Merry Chrisma-Hanna-Kwanza to all.
