Santeria Sacrifice: Anybody Able to Sell Me a Live Chicken?

Time has come to sacrifice a chicken to the technology gods.  While hopeful my usual saviors of several devices will come through might have to take drastic measures like live sacrifice.

Thinking through the list makes my brain hurt.  First, my newer old Dell works: but only for 45 minutes at a time.  And the wi-fi switch on the side only works randomly.

My older old Dell works, save for the "t" and "y" and the backspace keys on the keyboard.  Oh sure, can copy and paste those from other web sites, but that proves cumbersome.

And dropped my Lenovo tablet.  Sounds like it still works but screen blank.  Shit.

Happy F'ng Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!