Friday, October 16, 2015

Joe Starting '16 Campaign in 2017

[ (The Borowitz Report)—Vice-President Joe Biden will make a decision on whether to enter the 2016 Presidential race by early 2017, a close associate told supporters on Friday.

In an e-mail sent to potential donors, the former Senator Ted Kaufman, a longtime friend and confidant of the Vice-President, wrote that “Joe is still trying to sort things out,” but promised that his decision will come “no later than January, 2017.”

“Joe is trying to decide whether running for President is a good idea, or, conversely, whether it is a bad idea,” Kaufman wrote. “He is very grateful to all of you for your patience as he works through this process, and he promises that he’ll have big news for you by next January.”

“My message to you today is, hang in there,” he wrote.

Kaufman acknowledged that deciding to run for President a full two months after the election “would complicate Joe’s path to the White House,” but promised, “If, in January, Joe decides he’s in, he will be all in. And we hope you’ll be with him.”]

Besides, Biden acts like a creep:
During his failed presidential campaign in 1988, Biden had to cop not only to getting an F during his law school days for cheating but to having ripped off speeches by John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, and Hubert Humphrey. Even more amazingly, Biden cribbed biographical details from British Labour politician Neil Kinnock, including lines about ancestors who “would come up [from coal mines] after 12 hours and play football.” What kind of politician plagiarizes not simply other people’s word but other people’s lives? That’s not a storybook, man, that’s a nutjob.

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