Tuesday, January 22, 2013

No Pressure for 21st Century Males

Normally I like lists: top 100 guitarists, 10 best films, 5 best NBA players ever (Sorry, but bigs make up  4/5 of the list, leaving Oscar Robertson as sole guard for the fifth spot) but a list of skills a man must have really ticks me off.

I have issues.

So when you come up with a list which judges my manhood, cannot practice my usual routine of I know better and all these other commenters just pose hypotheticals for my amusement.

Besides, putting on the list killing a moose, gutting, and cooking it as an essential skill all men must have sets a pretty high bar for manhood.  Of course, am down with other stuff listed like filleting a fish or cooking eggs four different ways--except poaching.  Why does poaching an egg scare me?

Oh, I could bleed and gut and build a fire and cook and eat moose if  really hungry, but do prefer living and eating several steps up the food chain, like getting to know the butchers at my local Winn Dixie, the beef people.

Of course living in the Paradise of Florida, would eat from the rivers and ocean.  Ais Indians in the Eden of the FL east coast, lived and loved using oysters as a staple food, leaving behind ten foot tall shell mounds.

Didn't even have to fillet the best fish I've ever eaten: fresh caught blue fish, beheaded, gutted, stuffed with onion, tomatoes, and butter, wrapped in tinfoil and placed right in the fire.  You don't even have to scale 'em as you just eat from the inside and leave the skin and bones.  Yum.

So screw you Esquire, as if quizzes in Cosmo ain't ruined enough relationships, with this dress a moose to prove yourself a man schtik.

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http://www.esquire.com/features/life-skills-0411?src=nl&mag=esq&list=nl_enl_oth_non_011813_life-skills&kw=ist#slide-1

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