Monday, August 25, 2014

"Cicerone:" The Death of Modern Language and Culture

An advert on my Gmail page asked me if I knew beer and offered to teach me to become a cicerone.  You think you knew beer after 50 years of drinking the stuff, especially on a low budget and decisions that necessitates: whether to buy a quart of Colt 45 or a 4 pack of Natural Ice tallboys after an evening telemarketing shift.

As a dedicated beer drinker and hellraiser, however, one also does gain an appreciation for some of the finer crafted malted beverages: a crisp Foster's, a Newcastle, and God's gift, a Guinness Stout.

For some people, however, just drinking a coldy ain't good enough.  No-O-ooo, nefarious scoundrels must turn it into something such as a wine tasting, taking that most democratic of alcoholic beverages and turning it into something akin to wine snobbery, using a few catchphrases, "it has a charming bouquet with floral notes and an oak finish," essentially as a marketing ploy.

What beer goes with what foods, you ask.

Guinness goes with EV-er-y-thing makes a good rule to start with.

Sheesh, check out the darn mission statement:
The Cicerone Certification Program certifies and educ ates beer professionals in order to elevate the beer experience for consumers.
Thanks for complicating the only simple part of my, altering the words formerly set in stone of the late Justin Wilson, the beer you should drink is the beer you like.

To attain the master cicerone status, you must have 2 years in beer service endeavours or substitute 3 references from beer purveyors and--oh yeah-pay $695 to take their certification test.  Nearly $700 to "learn" to drink and serve beer.

Preposterous, I say.  Another triumph of marketing overr common sense I do proclaim.  A quick glance at their list showed 7 certified Master Cicerones in the whole USA, one with a designation of Consultant a la Biere after his name; it makes me laugh, scoffing at the whole notion., casting ridicule and aspersions in that general direction.

$695 to learn to sling beers,  Ludicrous!

Sheesh, I need a beer, dammit!

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