This fortune must come from the opposite universe Star Trek episode: "You are never bitter, deceptive, or petty."
Laughed until my sides hurt as am often better bitter; it adds a world weary cynicism and gives an edge to my satire.
Deceptive? Hell, I start the day lying to myself and stand in good company: “Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast,”― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland.
My talent for deception extends to even believing contrary things, a particularly human trait often ending up in hypocrisy.
And petty? Bob (Dylan) and me both remember every detail of everyone who put me down, and damn, the number of details keep mounting. Why do I let those slights bother me? Screw the offenders; damn their eyes.