Stupid Crook News: the WORST screwdriver cocktail ever made

Hand sanitizer and orange juice, brother, that ought to kill you quicker than cheap vodka.  Lee, if you read this somehow, email me at empireofdirt77@gmail.com and I'll send you a $10 check for cheap vodka.  

Hell, I'm incarcerated in a "nursing" home and can't drink now anyhows.  Someone might as well have a drink on me.

[ALTOONA, Pa. —
Authorities say a man stole 12 bottles of hand sanitizer from a central Pennsylvania hospital so he could mix it with orange juice and drink it for the alcohol it contained.

The Altoona Mirror reports (http://bit.ly/1eKrU94 ) 51-year-old Lee Ammerman has been mailed a summons requiring him to surrender Feb. 5 on charges of theft and receiving stolen property.

Police say an employee at UPMC Altoona hospital saw Ammerman steal a bottle of sanitizer in October by hiding it in an arm sling he was wearing. They say Ammerman returned to steal more sanitizer twice in December.

Police say they confronted Ammerman, who acknowledged stealing the sanitizer, saying, "I mix the liquid with orange juice."]
http://www.wftv.com/news/ap/top-news/police-pa-man-stole-sanitizer-to-make-cocktails/ncjF2/